I blame this on PJ O’Rourke. If I hadn’t been reading Holidays in Hell in, appropriately, Thailand, I promise I would not have called out the country by name in this post. But after my third visit to this land, I am in no mood for niceties. And if Mr O-Rourke can describe hell in the beautiful city of Beirut, I don’t see why I shouldn’t spill the beans on the ‘best tourist destination in Asia’.
The stupidity starts with the visa. You can get a visa upon arrival for tourism, but you need a non-immigration visa if you are traveling on business. But that is not enough. You also need to apply for a temporary work permit after you have entered the country – the non-immigration visa is simply for you to get out of Suvarmbhoomi airport and reach your office. But officially, you cannot work at your office till you have the work permit.
No one understands English of course, even the ones who can supposedly speak it. Communication is excruciating – and this is not because of the language alone. The bigger problem is that a Thai’s comprehension level is at least ten times slower than that of an average human – and I am being polite here. Everything needs to be explained, re-explained, re-re-explained…and numerous irrelevant questions need to be patiently answered. A has to be followed by B, and if you jump to C, prepare to spend an extra fortnight to explain the why’s and the what’s.
Have you attended a meeting with over five of these blokes in the same room? It’s like playing Chinese whispers with people who are deaf, but God compensated that with the faculty of speech. First, they will look you over and discuss you loudly with each other in Thai, frequently looking and pointing at you so you know you are the object of attention. After this polite welcome, they will settle down to the bawling in Thai, with frequent looks at you to confirm that you do not comprehend a word, which being the case the decibel levels will keep on rising. The amount of noise and stupidity that goes around is enough to drown an army of Chinese pigs.
The favorite Thai word? It may be a three letter word outside the workplace, but inside, it’s ISSUE. A glow comes into their eyes when you mention this word – and they will have a two hour long meeting every two hours to discuss issues. Don’t forget to send minutes of meeting, else that will be another issue. But don’t expect them to do what you asked them to do – they wont read what you sent. You can bring it up at the next issue meeting, but in the end, it’s all your fault anyway. They are remarkably well organized that way – they will do all the shouting and cribbing while someone else will do the work.
As for Thai men in the workplace, they all appear to be the same with their soft voices and Buddha like countenance, cultivated no doubt after years of training and suffering. The women simply outnumber –and outshout – them.
Next time I hear about going to Thailand (on work), I am jumping from the thirteenth floor of my office.
Created Dec 07
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