Through the looking glass

I started blogging towards the end of 2005 at what seemed, at that point at least, to be a particularly low time in my life (yes, some clichés are true, all it takes is pressure and time to forget, if not forgive). Till then, my pet strategy when faced with such difficult situations had been to run away to a new place - and it had always worked. This time, however, I was faced with a dilemma – I liked Bangalore and did not want to abandon it. More importantly, I did not want to run away.

So I dropped anchor. But shorn of my usual armor, I needed diversions to cope. A friend suggested blogging. What will I write about? I wondered aloud. It comes on its own, you’ll find it therapeutic, he reassured me.

Short on options, I decided to give it a shot. I certainly did not believe I would last beyond a few posts, much less that I would have a little less than a hundred posts over three erratic years of blogging (yes, I am trumpeting my perseverance ;-). So I am tempted to indulge myself by reflecting on the years since my first declaration that “2005 will go down as the year of losing faith for me”.

2006 was the year of renewal. The unexpected shock – learning to cope with its presence; constantly preparing ourselves for the worst; desperately, desperately hoping for a miracle each time we met a doctor; the relief and joy at survival… it challenged how we would function as a family, and in doing so changed our lives and each one of us in incontrovertible ways. Looking back, I realize that it also provided me with a much needed ‘new battle to fight’ - something that occupied my energies so completely that I had neither opportunity nor inclination to dwell upon the past. The disappointments of the previous year appeared insignificant, even ridiculous, compared with what we were facing now. And so overcoming the disease also came to represent a symbolic victory of sorts…as S rightly remarked, this was the year I found myself.

2007 was certainly the year of celebration. I was so exhausted with the stress – both physical and mental – of the previous year that I just wanted to go out and celebrate life. I had never come this close to mortality – and while it made me not afraid to die, it also made me happy to be alive. So we did numerous places in and around Bangalore and of course – Kanha, London, Normandy, Belgium, Amsterdam, Thailand & Singapore. Most certainly the year of travel.

Which brings me to 2008. A tough cookie, this one – for I still can’t figure out what 2008 was about. Singapore, Costa Rica, Coorg, Tranquebar & Shekhawati notwithstanding, this certainly wasn’t the year of travel - I’m extremely disappointed at not having traveled to a new country this year, the first time this has happened in six years! No life changing love, and so no losing of faith; no insurmountable obstacles, and so no major triumphs to be proud of. Yes, there were some challenges on the home front, but I guess I’m getting used to them now. I hate to admit it, but it was a year that was possibly more interesting on the professional front than on the personal one. It was a year of driftwood…a very ordinary year.