Fear of

Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing - no one to blame.

Today I went to give blood for a colleague's ailing relative. I am mortally scared of needles. And the sight and smell of blood makes me sick. Mercifully I did not have any major injuries while I was growing up. But once I remember that I broke a glass over my hand, and the blood just wouldnt stop. By the time my Dad took me to the doctor two houses away, I had passed out on the ground. Just like that. All because I shed maybe a few ounces of blood. That's what blood does to me. And if it is my blood taken out through a needle - well, u get the picture.

So when I was in college, I baulked when my best friend asked me donate blood for the Red Cross Blood Camp. But then I thought - I have to get over this somehow. There are people who could lose their lives for lack of a little blood, all because there are tons of people out there with my kind of fear. The thought made me feel like a loser, and I dont like that feeling. I decided this was one fear I was not giving in to. I walked in, and bravely got myself massacred by the needle.
Since then, I have donated blood about 5-6 more times. The first coupla times, I would pass out - always. The last two times I did not, so I feel I am evolving. I still get that dizzy feeling when they first draw blood - but I tell myself it will go away, and eureka, it does ! But each time the experience is a torture - the gradual build up of fear, the spinning of the head, the pain. And each time I ask myself why I put myself through it - there is no compulsion, really. But inexplicably, I force myself to do this every 6 mths to a year.

Maybe this is my way of confronting at least one of my fears. It may sound ridiculous, but doing this makes me feel more like a man (for lack of a better phrase!). And no one to blame.